oldies

I’m in love with a song from the 60’s – Moon River. It’s originally composed by Henry Mancini, for the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. I do not know how this man looked like, but his music is simply mesmerizing. Its slow soothing melody buoys my mind under its calm ripples, carrying me to serenity. This is how the beautifully jaded song goes:

Moon river, wider than a mile.
I’m crossing you in style some day.
Oh dream-maker, you heart-breaker,
wherever you’re going I’m going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.
We’re after the same rainbow’s end.
Wait around the bend, my Huckleberry friend,
moon river and me.

Such simple lyrics, yet when teamed with the tune, it becomes such a great song to waltz to. I literally want to waltz with someone! It really booted me into dreamy mode. It’s that good.

alive

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, all the memories that make me smile in my sleep.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the love that I've been given by everyone that matters.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the genuity that all the conceit has taught me.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the innocence that all the knowledge has given me.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the friendships built on misunderstandings and forgiveness.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the foes made by jealousy and unmentionable similarity.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the joyous tears brought on after a rainstorm.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the grieving smiles that kept me strong.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the self that I once was, only to be kept as a pleasant reminder.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the self that I could be, only to be kept as a dream.

If I were to leave this world alive,
I'd like to carry with me, the self that I have become,
because that is who I am.

senses

Which of your senses do you trust more? What you see, or what you hear? When it comes to a battle between the eyes and ears, which will triumph? Legally, a useful witness is one who directly saw or heard the incident. Even then, more importance seems to be given to vision. So should we really trust our sights more than our hearing?

When two beings come into contact, we naturally make a visual impression in our heads. Minutes later, we add in the auditory impression. 'Loud', 'soft', 'high/low-pitched', 'sweet', 'nagging' etc. And these features do no necessarily stand the test of time. Impressions can change with further observations or conversations. Our impression of a certain someone can improve or worsen over time.

But what happens when your visual impression contradicts your auditory impression? What do you do when a person who seems innocent from the outside, is actually foul-mouthed and verbally abusive? Or a person who holds the funniest and most easy-going conversations actually has a manipulative trait in them? What if what you see is not what you hear? Which would you believe then? It's not about physical crime, it's about impressions, and impressions can be so wrong sometimes. Would you believe what you observe with your eyes or what you hear with your ears?

Personally, I depend on neither. I just live by my gut feelings. I make up my mind regarding a person's character based on my feelings towards him/her. It's a simple 'me likey' or 'me no likey' situation. I can witness someone doing a tonne of good charity work and still insist that he/she is rotten within. Likewise I can hear a person having the smartest conversation with me and decide he/she is actually an empty vessel. It's just a feeling I get when I come into contact with people, that pretty much generates my mental impression of them. I see a sweet girl whom the whole world thinks is the most innocent, yet I think otherwise (not out of spite or jealousy). I hear a boy who flirts with words yet I think he's the most loyal romantic ever (not due to his cute looks).

Impression is a funny thing. Be the judge of your own impressions.

realize

Does it count if someone realizes his/her mistake only after you've shouted at them? After you've made known your dissatisfaction clearly? Does their repentence count then?

I have a penchant for making people miserable when they do not know their wrong-doings. By 'miserable', I meant sending them away in:
- confusion or
- guilt or
- tears or
- all of the above.
Yes, I'd say it's blatant emotional torture, but now I got to thinking, that perhaps the only person I'm really punishing isn't them, but me.

It's true I often express my emotions out-and-out (and God knows how brutal that can be, sometimes.....more times..), and I have difficulty containing myself when it comes to pointing out my dissatisfaction with regards to another person's speech, action, and sometimes even their looks. Well it's not like I never try to keep it all within. I did try. It just didn't last long enough. The irony is when I've put their wrongs in front of them and made them realize, I just couldn't be bothered with apologies anymore. In my point of view, if I have to make you understand your wrongs, and that you didn't come to the realization on your own, then really, your repentence doesn't carry that much weight anymore.

Is that scary? I newly discovered this trait. I think what I was hoping for was for people to realize their mistakes on their own. Then again, the ball might be thrown back in my face: Would I realize what I've done wrong if nobody tells me? Not really. Nonetheless, I still prefer if all of us could realize our own mistakes without having others point it out to us. Somehow, self-realization seems more valuable.

Just a thought.