my pseudo-real world

It's coming to an end. Of that, I'm sure. It's just a matter of time. Somehow I've always known it'd come, no matter how hard I try to deny it, or fool myself with fantasies of countless 'maybe's'. Even that lullaby has lost its potency now.

There are plenty of questions, and each attached with a pounding heartache that only serve to unleash the floodgates in me, sending down torrential streams of tears.
There are an admixed of emotions, all embedded within the body of a mere 21-year-old, who's been carrying this burden for that full 21 years.

I am not disappointed at how things turn out today. I probably foresaw this years ago, back when I was 6. I am only disappointed at him. Finally, he has given enough reasons to trigger hatred within me. How is that possible? If I could, I wouldn't want to hate him. It's the last thing I'd do. But right now, I'm really disappointed with his actions, or rather, his lack of guilt and a repenting heart. In fact, I'm mad at his pretense of repentance, which is slowly fading off with time, revealing his true identity and intentions that once tainted his image. How could somebody I cherish turn into such a monster overnight? It's bizarre and dumb-founding, but evidence repeatedly proves the darker side of him, so does my gut instinct.

I don't believe it. I don't want to believe it.
I don't want to hate him... I really don't...
I don't wish to confront him harshly and ruin whatever we have now.
But if I don't do something, none of us would be happy.
All 4 of us will just be stuck in this perpetual madness.

Years ago I talked to him about it. That's when he began to respect my voice and power of analysis. Ever since then he takes me seriously when I speak, and I appreciate that privilege. Therefore it seems only appropriate that I use that privilege I earned to resolve the crisis now. I just know I need to talk to him. I don't know what about, or how I'm going to do it, but I just know that I have to. If I don't, everything will be over. Everything.

But I am so afraid of the outcome.

心，话

两位朋友吵架了。
但其实两位的心都是好的。
甲希望皆反话刺激大伙，好让大伙服从乙的命令。
可是用错词了。
乙只听到反话，没抓到话后的用义。
闷了在胸里的懊恼突然破口而出，短暂地忘了自己。
说了很多难听的话。

一瞬间，两个人处在对立的站台上，
心，乘着怒火， 漂远了。
理解，被不满埋藏了。
宽容，变得陌生了。
友谊忽然显得太儿戏了。

两人站在个自的立场上，讲了一些只有在那立场能讲的话，
只怪措辞不够圆滑。
造就了一场不必要的误会。
都是语言的错。
它既能拉近， 亦可抛开人与人的距离。

错的话已经说了，
只希望甲和乙能用对的话重新找回对方的心。