you know it's bad when..

You know it's bad when you fall asleep crying...

You know it's bad when you cry in your dreams...

You know it's bad when you wake up crying...

throaty

You know how sometimes you feel like you've been innocently good for a long while, abiding all the rules to the point it frustrates you, that you finally decided it's time to let all hell break loose? That's how it was for me, tonight.

I've been utterly fed up with my non-healing persistent dry cough and all the food I had to abstain from, in the hopes that it'd speed up the healing process. Well, healing never quite happened. And I just about had enough of avoiding spicy or cold food/beverages for almost 3 weeks now that I made the wisest decision to just start eating whatever damn thing I like! Spciy mutton murtabak, bring it on! Cold chocolatey ice-cream, I'm coming! Hey, if I'm gonna break the rules, might as well push it as far as I can go. So I ate all that I'm not supposed to eat, all the while secretly hoping that it might have a reverse effect, that somehow these no-no food may bring my annoying cough to a stop. Fat chance!

Nonetheless, it feels good to be reckless sometimes, even to a small degree.

Of course recklessness costs. The price is about RM 15.50, for a bottle of cough syrup. ;) Wish me luck.

forever

Immortality. Eternity. Damnation.
Can these words really exist in the same line?
If your life is extended over an unlimited period of time, what would you do with it? Would the phrase 'live each day to the fullest' no longer hold any meaning? What about love? How would your love change? Would you love only one person throughout your eternal existence? Or more? Or would love morph into something else altogether when you have all the time in the world, literally?

If I'm an immortal, forever would be damned without love(s). As it is, with the God-only-knows amount of time I have of this life of mine, I'm wasting every second by waiting - waiting for someone, waiting for something. Don't ask me who or what. There's just a gnawing feeling of incompleteness chewing at my being. It's not that I'm unhappy right where I am now, but I think.... or perhaps hope, that there's more to this. That extra something doesn't even neccesarily has to be love. It's just a missing puzzle in me, lost somewhere out there in the great sea of nothingness. I wish I'd knew a way to retrieve it. I wish I'd knew what is missing in the first place..

Eternity doesn't seem like such a bad option if it means I get more time to find that missing puzzle.

TRUTH IS FREEDOM.